I think I've hit a rough patch

I am having a rough time. Everything always happens all at once.

Today I drank too much coffee and it's given me a headache. Which is worse, the no-coffee headache or the too-much coffee headache?

We have a "take-home final" for Environmental Law and Policy and the basic concept if to posit a solution for Copenhagen in 1500 words. If I were capable of this I wouldn't be in graduate school and if the solution were this simple we'd be living in a zero-carbon world by now. The writing process was painful at first, I'm still not used to being a student again, but in the end I ended up as satisfied as I could expect to be. It's nice to know I can still crank out the pages when necessary. It'd be nicer to feel like it wasn't still bullshit though.

News from home is coming from all directions and it's crazy this week. I wish I were home with the people I loved. I'm glad I'm far away and don't have to deal with the details of the insanity. I want hugs to and from everyone I know. I want a shoulder to rest my head on. I want Thanksgiving dinner with my family- we have the best food. I want the cinnamon rolls. I want the cranberry relish. I want watermelon pickles. I want to see my parents. I want to see my brothers. I want to see my aunt and my cousins. I want to see my grandmother and my uncle even though they can drive me crazy. A Skype call will have to suffice.

I like the people I've met here. Everyone is nice but it's still surface relationships at this point. I miss being in a place where people understand me. I miss some of the things I was most anxious to escape. I was so tired of the blue-collar-pride bullshit at home but I have to admit I miss being around people who earn what they have, whether good or bad. I miss hanging out with a bunch of people who were just as poor and cheap as I am. I miss having a front porch and a back yard. I miss my cat and even Country Dog, despite the fact that she once ate my cell phone. I miss my craft supplies and my trash bags full of yarn.

I hated how the smallness of Akron meant that people knew you even when they didn't know you and defined you based on your past and those around you but I miss people knowing I existed. I miss knowing where I fit in, however awkwardly. I miss going to the Matinee and Annabell's and seeing people I knew, even if they were people I didn't like. I miss Thursdays and dancing to the Smiths. I miss fist-pumps. I miss having company when I come home, everyday.

I don't miss the small town drama. I don't miss Ohio State football. I don't miss being in a dysfunctional relationship or taking care of drunk people all the time. I don't miss the Twilight craze. I don't miss driving every day. I don't miss feeling stuck.

I found cranberries and black beans at store today. Yesterday we went to the Christmas market at lunch and I ate a sausage that I still haven't digested. I also ate an amazing pastry thing that was shaped like a spiral. I didn't see the cheap yarn Stephen told me about but I'll look harder next time. Then I will make myself a hat and a scarf. The hat will have ear-flaps and a pom-pom and I will feel better when my hands are busy and productive.

Tonight, I'm going to drink some wine.

Send me warm thoughts. Or just send positive thoughts out into the universe and even if they don't make it this far - I hope they'll be intercepted by people who need them.