Happiest New Year!

I should probably be writing about Barcelona while the thoughts are fresh in my mind. Don’t fret, however, I took notes. “Top Ten in Barcelona,” as requested by Stephen Solomon, will be appearing early in the New Year.

Today, I want to take a few minutes to reflect. 2009 has, without a doubt, been the best year of my life. It wasn’t all great. Terrible, tragic things have happened. I spent most of the year feeling trapped and unhappy. But, surely this year has marked a turning point in my life. Last year, I was working at the library in my hometown, stuck in a relationship that was mediocre at best, beginning to resign myself to the idea that such a life was my fate. Now, I live in Europe, study environmental science and am very rarely bored.

I’m look back at New Year’s 2009 – dancing, playing the jukebox, orange tongues, eating delicious foods, and wizards. I’m remembering my lovely coworkers at North Hill and the friends I made subbing at Main. I loved being a part of that community and the ASCPL will always remain my extended family. I am thankful for the time I was able to spend with my family -the holidays, the dinners; seeing my parents at work. It was nice to be close to home for a while, and I'm thankful for their love and support everyday.

The house at N. Rose was lovely, if occasionally dysfunctional. I loved the people, Brett, Elisa, Jon, and the revolving roommates – Jaimy, Dave, David, Mary. I always enjoyed the company and having someone to share my cooking with. We had a front porch, a backyard and a compost pile. I had an amazing spice rack and a stocked pantry. There was always someone around to watch movies with or chat. We had some great cookouts, a beautiful garden and the friendliest dog and cat you could hope for.

I am thinking about my very best friends, the kind who live in Chicago - old friends and new friends. Most especially, Katharine Fronk, whose emails bring me home and make me laugh, and Vladimir the cat, whose purr and fur I miss often, especially as I’m laying down to bed. I know he’s happy now, tormenting Kat and Tilly with his ridiculous antics and unending ability to shed. There were so many great Chicago trips in 2009. New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Taste of Chicago, Pitchfork and my farewell cat-delivery visit. Thank you Chicago people. I will see you again someday.

There were the sporadic visits from Stephen that always made the month. Stephen, thank you so much for encouraging me to apply to MESPOM and CEU. You have sincerely and directly changed my life. There was Dave McDowell, always the best company for a long chat about life. Mike Leonhardt, my oldest friend, who has always been there for me. I miss watching the Office with you and eating junk food. We had an amazing day in the woods, getting rained on and acting like children.

At the end of my American 2009 things fell apart. I totaled my car, left my relationship and my house. I did my best to pack for two years, and did an absolutely terrible job. I said my goodbyes as well as I could and hopped on a plane to Budapest.

Now I live a very different life. I am a student again. I don’t understand most of what’s going on around me but I’ve learned to get by. I’ve accomplished my goals of not having a car, of living in a city (with a Metro!) and of traveling. I have friends from every continent. The MESPOM and ENVS people have become my international family. I am so thankful for every one of them and my opportunity to share experiences with them – picnics, Lake Balaton, Szimpla, landfills, drinking in the streets, vodka with salami and all the good times that are sure to come.

I just went on my first trip, alone, to Barcelona and I’ll tell you more about it soon. In short, it was a liberating and confidence-building trip. I am not accustomed to being so optimistic, but life now feels like it holds so much possibility. At home I was feeling old, and resigned. Now I feel young and wild and free. I am learning who I am without the context of the familiar. I am learning that I am capable. I cannot wait for 2010 and the unending potential it holds: Five more months to discover Budapest and the surroundings. Greece in May. Two months open for adventures. Autumn in Manchester, UK.

Friends, wherever you are, put on your New Year’s dress and say hello to a new decade. Here’s to 2010. To knowing better and learning faster. To growth and passion and opportunity. To everyone who made me who I am today and those who are helping to shape my future. I am so grateful!

Egészségedre!

I think I've hit a rough patch

I am having a rough time. Everything always happens all at once.

Today I drank too much coffee and it's given me a headache. Which is worse, the no-coffee headache or the too-much coffee headache?

We have a "take-home final" for Environmental Law and Policy and the basic concept if to posit a solution for Copenhagen in 1500 words. If I were capable of this I wouldn't be in graduate school and if the solution were this simple we'd be living in a zero-carbon world by now. The writing process was painful at first, I'm still not used to being a student again, but in the end I ended up as satisfied as I could expect to be. It's nice to know I can still crank out the pages when necessary. It'd be nicer to feel like it wasn't still bullshit though.

News from home is coming from all directions and it's crazy this week. I wish I were home with the people I loved. I'm glad I'm far away and don't have to deal with the details of the insanity. I want hugs to and from everyone I know. I want a shoulder to rest my head on. I want Thanksgiving dinner with my family- we have the best food. I want the cinnamon rolls. I want the cranberry relish. I want watermelon pickles. I want to see my parents. I want to see my brothers. I want to see my aunt and my cousins. I want to see my grandmother and my uncle even though they can drive me crazy. A Skype call will have to suffice.

I like the people I've met here. Everyone is nice but it's still surface relationships at this point. I miss being in a place where people understand me. I miss some of the things I was most anxious to escape. I was so tired of the blue-collar-pride bullshit at home but I have to admit I miss being around people who earn what they have, whether good or bad. I miss hanging out with a bunch of people who were just as poor and cheap as I am. I miss having a front porch and a back yard. I miss my cat and even Country Dog, despite the fact that she once ate my cell phone. I miss my craft supplies and my trash bags full of yarn.

I hated how the smallness of Akron meant that people knew you even when they didn't know you and defined you based on your past and those around you but I miss people knowing I existed. I miss knowing where I fit in, however awkwardly. I miss going to the Matinee and Annabell's and seeing people I knew, even if they were people I didn't like. I miss Thursdays and dancing to the Smiths. I miss fist-pumps. I miss having company when I come home, everyday.

I don't miss the small town drama. I don't miss Ohio State football. I don't miss being in a dysfunctional relationship or taking care of drunk people all the time. I don't miss the Twilight craze. I don't miss driving every day. I don't miss feeling stuck.

I found cranberries and black beans at store today. Yesterday we went to the Christmas market at lunch and I ate a sausage that I still haven't digested. I also ate an amazing pastry thing that was shaped like a spiral. I didn't see the cheap yarn Stephen told me about but I'll look harder next time. Then I will make myself a hat and a scarf. The hat will have ear-flaps and a pom-pom and I will feel better when my hands are busy and productive.

Tonight, I'm going to drink some wine.

Send me warm thoughts. Or just send positive thoughts out into the universe and even if they don't make it this far - I hope they'll be intercepted by people who need them.

Food and dancing and death

I haven't updated forever. I know and I'm sorry - although I doubt manyone has noticed. I can't believe how quickly time is flying by. Christmas is coming up fast and it feels like I just got here. On the other hand, when I realize I'll still be here (here = Europe) NEXT Christmas that freaks me out a little bit. Mostly I try not to think too far into the future. So, who wants to come visit me?

Things are going well. Hungarian life has become normal life. I still don't know many words but I've gotten used to it and I've figured out some important things like which kind of yogurt I prefer (it says Kefir, but it's not Kefir, it's regular plain ol' yogurt so you can eat it with a curry or you can eat with muesli, which is what Hungarians eat because they don't have granola) and NOT to buy generic ketchup (because it tastes like duck sauce). I spend too much time doing errands - walking, and carrying. Sometimes I wish I could just get in the Subaru and run to the Acme.

I've also fallen in love with two separate cheese products:

Túró Rudi - it's cheese covered in dark chocolate. Apparently it is "typical Hungarian" and I really love them. When I first got here, my Hungarian classmate Eva had us try them. She said most people who aren't Hungarian don't like them. And she was right, I don't like them. I LOVE them and I keep them in my fridge at all times.

Túrós táska - it literally means "cottage cheese backpack." My friend Anton calls them "cheese buns" and I like that too. I couldn't find a good English language description online but basically it's a pastry filled with cheese and a lot of times there's a raisin inside. I imagine the raisin is for good luck but I have to imagine explanations for lots of things these days. Maybe they put a raisin in there in hopes that I'll choke on it. OOH. And there's powdered sugar on top! They're best when they're hot and I usually buy myself one as a present when I've been doing errands for hours and I'm tired and think I deserve a treat.

I think it goes without saying at this point, but my appetite has come back! However, when it comes to cooking I'm a bit uninspired. I don't know where my creativity went but I mostly just cook curries. This is fine with me, but I know I used to make a lot of other things - what were they?

Enough about food.

Last night I went to the Opera House for the first time. It was nice. 11 of us went and tickets were only 400 forints (that's about $2.5). Granted, they were so cheap because we were in the second balcony and way to the the right and you couldn't really see that well but it was totally worth it. We saw a ballet called "The Karamozov's" based on The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I read all of this book (except the trial) earlier this year and was actually inspired to FINISH it by the existence of my ballet ticket. I was curious to see how anyone could make a ballet from a 1000 page book as dense and philosophical as this one and was actually surprised at how well they pulled it off.

In short - the book was reduced to the lover's quarrels between Dmitri and Fyodor over Grushenka and Dmitri and Ivan over Katya. Alyosha was there too- trying to be reasonable. Smerdyakov was nowhere to be found, nor was the envelope. Ivan was tormented by demons that acted a lot like zombies. The "Grand Inquisitor" scene was also included, and a narrator said some things but I couldn't understand since I don't speak Hungarian. My friend JM, who does speak Hungarian, told me two very funny things as this was happening:

"I can't really understand, they're speaking in Shakespearean Hungarian"

and

"They keep saying 'free, free, free'"

Also, the music was totally ripped off from people like Mussorgsky and Wagner. The ending was all done to the last movement "Dreams of a Witch's Sabbath" of Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. I love that movement with the Dies Irae, and of course, the kick-ass bassoon part. I wasn't even watching the dancing at this point. All in all - good times.

Today, I walked to a part of town I've never been, which is something I try to do, especially on the weekends. Also, I'm trying to get outside as much as possible before the weather gets any colder. I went to the Kerepesi Cemetery and walked around there for a couple of hours alone. It was beautiful and old and so, so quiet. All I could hear was the sound of my feet crunching on leaves and the sound of birds. I could hear birds! I even saw a squirrel and it was reddish and had funny ear-tufts. Silly Hungarian squirrels. The weather was overcast and chilly. It was the perfect day to explore a cemetery.



I had a really nice time - it was so peaceful. I did my best to be reverent. Many stones were grown over with ivy and the dates has faded from the stone. However, many other stones, equally as old, were well-cared for and had flowers laid on them. I thought of when my mother and I went to all these old family cemeteries around Columbus to see where some relatives are buried. I thought about how nice it would be to have people visit your grave a hundred years after you died and I thought about how I wouldn't mind if mine grew over with ivy either. I thought about how cool the big sculptures of the graves were and I wanted one (a naked lady please) for a minute but then I decided that I'd rather just be cremated or buried in one of those natural burial sites where you're allowed to decompose (there it is, in writing - just in case).

I guess I spent a fair amount of time being morbid but that's bound to happen when you spend your Saturday afternoon alone in a giant Hungarian cemetery.

Now my feet are tired and my eyes won't quite focus so I'll go home now and read and eat and be just as boring as I was in Ohio and just a little bit more lonely.

Digging in trash and other misadventures

I have not done one touristy thing in 5 weeks I've been here. Sometimes I walk past tourist destinations but so far at I am failing at actually visiting them. Every day I walk by St. Stephen's Basilica and I haven't even taken a photo. I will try to do better. I have been keeping busy though and have had some good times. Here's what I've been up to other than trying to survive:


Organic Farm: About five of my classmates and I went to Gödöllő (which I have no idea how to pronouce) to visit an organic farm on the 3rd. It was so nice to get out of the city, breathe some fresh air and be around some plants. I miss plants and it was really sad to leave the garden in Akron right as the tomatoes were coming into season. We got a special English-language tour, ate a nice stew (vegetarian option : potato-carrot stew with buckwheat patties), ate some ice-cream, and soaked up some sun. I bought some peppers and cheese and CILANTRO which I was incredibly excited about. The love I feel for cilantro is intense, and this was the first and only time I have seen it since I've been here.

Mountain-of-trash-day: I had been told by Mr. Stephen Solomon that each district has certain days, I don't know how often, where you can throw out all your stuff. There were huge piles of trash in front of every building and it was AWESOME. The gypsies were out in full force (don't worry, I was clinging on to my bag tightly), seemingly guarding the trash mounds and trying to sell other people's trash. They were also busting open all the electronics and taking whatever they could scrap, which is better than it ending up in the landfill if you ask me. I had a blast walking around and looking at each pile and evaluating if there was anything of worth. I really should have spent hours doing this but I started to feel a little bit crazy.

Do you watch "It's Always Sunny"? If you do - I felt like Charlie in "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby."
Charlie: I can't sleep, dude. It's impossible. My mind's going like a mile a minute here.
Frank: Well, stop thinking about it. I'm not your father. Now go to sleep.
Charlie: No, dude, it's not that. I'm thinking about something completely different.
Frank: It's the trash, isn't it?
Charlie: It's the sweet, sweet trash.

I did scavenge a few things (from unguarded piles) that are all very useful:

• a trash can - okay it's actually a bucket, but it will now function as a trash can
  
• a purse - I didn't have a purse. I only have "bags"
  
• a jacket - I didn't have a jacket because I did a horrible time packing. The jacket has no buttons. I don't know if the gypsies stole the buttons or what. It seems like a weird thing to do. All I know is that someone, sometime removed 15 buttons from this jacket.

Now I have a jacket AND a craft project which I am calling "Nona can sew on buttons." Seriously, this jacket is going to be kick-ass. This project has been put on high-priority because fall has finally arrived in Budapest and it is freaking cold today and I have no coat!

All in all, I saved at least $20, and that's assuming I would have bought the coat and purse second-hand anyway. Success!

Conchord Dawn: On Saturday I met up with some girls from class for the bar to be followed by an "International Student Party." This did not sound particularly fun to me. I love meeting new people but....clubs. I haven't gone to clubs since I was 18 and I'm pretty happy with that decision. I don't wear heels, I don't where sexy blouses and I don't dance to rap music unless I am by myself and am 100% positive no one will sneak up behind me. In my new life here, everyone always wants to go to clubs. I've gone a couple of times and it hasn't been awful but it just isn't really my scene.

So we're walking to catch the tram to go to the party and Emily, who is from New Zealand, stops agast in front of this sign for "Conchord Dawn." Apparently this is a New Zealand drum & bass group that she used to go see and she cannot believe they are in Budapest. She decides to forgo the ISP and stay at "Club Cool" instead. Since this place is closer to my house, costs the same to get in, and I will not require sexy dancing, I stay with her. Conchord Dawn didn't come on until 2:30 and I left sweaty, exhausted and reeking like smoke but I had a really good time. I danced a lot and no one tried to dance with me. Perfect.

District 9: Have you seen this movie? I now have. I saw it at the theater last night with Anton, who is Zimbabwean and was interested in the fact that it's set in Johannesburg. I would never have watched this movie at home, and if I did I would have been pissed that I wasted 2 hours of my life. However, in this context it was so welcome. The movie was completely mindless, it was in English and I got to see crazy Aliens and lots of shit get blown up! The only down side is that Aliens and Nigerians don't speak English, so as far as I'm concerned they only spoke gibberish with Hungarian subtitles. This wasn't that big of a deal for me though. Plot development was not this film's strong suit. Also, I'm getting pretty used to having no idea what people are saying and guessing what's going on through context clues.

Units of measurement

A funny thing is starting to happen. I'm starting to feel, occasionally, like I live in Budapest. Granted, most of the time I feel like I have fallen from the sky unto an alien planet. But sometimes...

At the end of the day I'll think to myself "I want to go home." At first I was thinking of Akron, my parent's house, the house on N. Rose that I both loved and hated. But lately, when I think of "home" I'll catch myself thinking of my flat here. I do not feel like I belong here and I'm not really expecting to feel that way anytime soon but it's getting more comfortable. Excuse me -less uncomfortable.

Each day I have to challenge myself: to be more confident, to try new things, to get to bed at a decent hour. This is why I came here. I was tired of things being easy and guess what, Nona? Things aren't so easy anymore, are they?

I still get nervous every time I go somewhere that I haven't been before and then I don't want to go anywhere unless it’s school or home or the (shitty, expensive) grocery that's two blocks away.

Speaking of blocks. People don't know what I'm talking about when I say something is ____ blocks away. I cannot understand this, as it seems like such an obvious measure of distance. You know. BLOCKS. Instead my classmates will say something is ____ meters away, which I can't really grasp.

Thank you America, for your use of a measurement system that makes no sense. Now that I'm in Europe I no longer know how tall I am, how much I weight (okay, I didn't know that before I left - but I had an idea), or how far away anything is. Ever. I don't know how to measure food or cook it at the appropriate temperature. I burned an apple pie and I am not one to burn things (in the oven). I do not know how warm or cold it is outside by checking the temperature.

Basically, I feel like a complete idiot most of the time. Sure, I know that there are 1.6 kilometers in a mile, or 2.2 pounds in a kilogram but sometimes my brain just doesn't work that quickly. I walk a mile, leisurely, in about 20 minutes but I can't do math under pressure.

Oh, and I did I mention that most everything is in Hungarian here? Just a minor detail that makes getting around a treat. Many people speak some English, and if they don't I'm becoming very good at shrugging my shoulders (when being asked a question) or pointing and miming (when I'm doing the asking). When I'm at school or with friends I sometimes forget that I'm in a completely foreign place and then I go try to buy something at the store and get disoriented all over again.

My favorite (read: least favorite) thing that has been happening is that, very often I get exactly the opposite of what I ask for. Someone will ask me "For here or to go?" and I'll say "To go" and they'll give me a glass mug. Or they'll ask "Big plate or small?" and I'll say "Small," and then I'll be given a huge plate. I would think it was a language problem except that the person asked me my preference, which I took to mean that they understood the difference between the words “big” and “small.” I'm coming to terms with the fact that everyone just wants to fuck with me. Yeah, I get it. I understand- I can't speak your language and I'm obviously stupid and more obviously American and you can ignore my requests if you are so inclined. I'll just eat my left-overs for lunch tomorrow. So there.

To end things on a positive note - I have received my replacement credit cards and now have access to money. This means a lot of things that feel materialistic but cut me some slack, please. I really needed that Gucci bag. Seriously, though - it's very difficult to move to a new city and then try to spend as close to zero money as possible for the first month. Now: I can pay tuition. I can pay rent. I can try to establish an acceptable kitchen with at least 10 spices. I can buy a coffee pot. I can buy a winter coat and some sheets for my bed, if I am so inclined. And if things really go to shit I can buy a plane ticket home. Okay, I’m out of positivity now. And I have homework.

The Beginning

It's been a little over two weeks since I left my easy life in Ohio. It feels much longer, like I've been away from home forever, but at the same time I am still living as if in a dream. It hasn't quite sunk in yet that this is my home - at least for the next 9 months.



The first few days my sleep schedule and appetite were out of whack and I'm just now starting to get back to normal. I've lost an unhealthy amount of weight (to lose in a week) and I can feel the bones in my arms and chest. It's unsettling and my new friends will probably wonder why I got so fat when I just get back to normal :)

The city is beautiful. Everything is grand and old in a way that we Americans aren't used to experiencing. I love just walking and exploring although eventually I need to get a better grasp on the public transportation. I've been walking everywhere.

Everyone in the program is great so far - we've been traveling in giant packs of people and it reminds me of my first year at Miami when people would yell "Freshmen!" at us as we walked by. I'm sure that eventually the packs will get smaller, as they always do, and each of us finds our place.

I do have a flat. I'm living with a girl named Sarah, from San Francisco, and our apartment is quite nice. It's right on Andrassy utca, which is a relatively main road. It takes less than 10 minutes to walk to school and that is a huge plus for me - especially since I'm still having a little trouble finding my way around. The first week in our new place I didn't have a bed - just a little Nona-sized cot on the floor. I got my bed and a desk on Friday and life is much better. Now I can start to make my room my own and have a place to look forward to going at the end of the day.

I didn't expect to be homesick this early on but I have been. At times, overwhelmingly so. Nothing is easy here. Every task I set upon is trial. For example, when I first arrived I needed to get a phone so that I could be in touch with my classmates. My phone from home didn't have a SIM card so I needed a new one. You can't buy a phone without an address though so I went looking for a one the kiosks in metro stations where they sell (most likely stolen) used phones. This turned into me wandering around for 4 hours. Finally, I did find a place and the next day I was able to purchase a SIM card and put some money on it. Most of my transactions involve miming, pointing and nodding. So far I've only learned to say these words: yes, no, thank you, and cheers. I can also say "I speak English" and "I don't speak Hungarian." I hope to get a bit better but I really have no hope of actually learning Hungarian.

My mom say it's all a "lesson in problem-solving" and I'm trying to see it that way and to find the humor in my failures.

The really awful thing that happened to me is that I got my wallet stolen. That's right - I was here for 10 days and got my wallet swiped by gypsies. It really made me doubt my ability to navigate in a new place. Basically what happened is this - I was sitting in a park where there is free Wifi. It was dusk and I was trying to finish up what I was doing so I could go home. A guy approached me and was talking in Hungarian. He was probably saying "Hey stupid. Pay attention to me so that my friend can fish in your bag and take your wallet. K thanks." Looking back, he was standing far enough away that I was leaning towards him saying "Nem, nem, English, nem nem." Just as I was looking for my wallet, starting to panic, I was approached by a Hungarian couple. The girl spoke English well and she said "We think you've had something stolen from you." I guess they had seen it happen, from a distance and then saw the men walking away (I'm imagining gleefully) with my wallet. I immediately burst into tears, called my mom on Skype, saying "The gypsies stole my wallet! Cancel my cards!" Thankfully the couple was very helpful. They called the police for me, walked me to the station, explained everything to the cops and waited with me until a translator came to do the report. By the time it way all over it was after 10 p.m. here and I couldn't get back in touch with my mom. Our class had a field trip to Lake Balaton planned for the next 2 days and the whole trip I was unable to contact anyone from home or check on anything. I tried to have fun, but every few hours I would start crying and it was really not a fun trip for me.

Once I got back to the city and was able to get on the computer, though, I felt much better. I talked to my mom, realized things were going to be okay, and was able to calm down. At this point I have had some money wired to me and am just trying to be especially frugal for a couple of weeks until my cards get sent to parents' and then, eventually, to me in Hungary. Hopefully, this will be a low point but at the time it just felt like I was incapable of doing anything right. I wanted to be in the US where there are no gypsies, but without money it's not as if I could leave even if I wanted to.

The weather has been amazing so far. It's only rained a little bit. Mostly it has been sunny and warm. The last two weeks have been orientation at school. Classes start Monday and while I am nervous about resuming my studies in an intensive program it will be nice to have something to focus my mind on. I am almost eager to develop a "normal" routine, as nothing has been normal to me so far. Later today or tomorrow I will post some pictures on facebook of the city and my place.

Know that I miss you all, every last person. And despite all the complaining I did at home about the US and American businesses, I miss it - especially the efficiency! Send me your warm wishes, I could really use them!