At the end of the day I'll think to myself "I want to go home." At first I was thinking of Akron, my parent's house, the house on N. Rose that I both loved and hated. But lately, when I think of "home" I'll catch myself thinking of my flat here. I do not feel like I belong here and I'm not really expecting to feel that way anytime soon but it's getting more comfortable. Excuse me -less uncomfortable.
Each day I have to challenge myself: to be more confident, to try new things, to get to bed at a decent hour. This is why I came here. I was tired of things being easy and guess what, Nona? Things aren't so easy anymore, are they?
I still get nervous every time I go somewhere that I haven't been before and then I don't want to go anywhere unless it’s school or home or the (shitty, expensive) grocery that's two blocks away.
Speaking of blocks. People don't know what I'm talking about when I say something is ____ blocks away. I cannot understand this, as it seems like such an obvious measure of distance. You know. BLOCKS. Instead my classmates will say something is ____ meters away, which I can't really grasp.
Thank you America, for your use of a measurement system that makes no sense. Now that I'm in Europe I no longer know how tall I am, how much I weight (okay, I didn't know that before I left - but I had an idea), or how far away anything is. Ever. I don't know how to measure food or cook it at the appropriate temperature. I burned an apple pie and I am not one to burn things (in the oven). I do not know how warm or cold it is outside by checking the temperature.
Basically, I feel like a complete idiot most of the time. Sure, I know that there are 1.6 kilometers in a mile, or 2.2 pounds in a kilogram but sometimes my brain just doesn't work that quickly. I walk a mile, leisurely, in about 20 minutes but I can't do math under pressure.
Oh, and I did I mention that most everything is in Hungarian here? Just a minor detail that makes getting around a treat. Many people speak some English, and if they don't I'm becoming very good at shrugging my shoulders (when being asked a question) or pointing and miming (when I'm doing the asking). When I'm at school or with friends I sometimes forget that I'm in a completely foreign place and then I go try to buy something at the store and get disoriented all over again.
My favorite (read: least favorite) thing that has been happening is that, very often I get exactly the opposite of what I ask for. Someone will ask me "For here or to go?" and I'll say "To go" and they'll give me a glass mug. Or they'll ask "Big plate or small?" and I'll say "Small," and then I'll be given a huge plate. I would think it was a language problem except that the person asked me my preference, which I took to mean that they understood the difference between the words “big” and “small.” I'm coming to terms with the fact that everyone just wants to fuck with me. Yeah, I get it. I understand- I can't speak your language and I'm obviously stupid and more obviously American and you can ignore my requests if you are so inclined. I'll just eat my left-overs for lunch tomorrow. So there.
To end things on a positive note - I have received my replacement credit cards and now have access to money. This means a lot of things that feel materialistic but cut me some slack, please. I really needed that Gucci bag. Seriously, though - it's very difficult to move to a new city and then try to spend as close to zero money as possible for the first month. Now: I can pay tuition. I can pay rent. I can try to establish an acceptable kitchen with at least 10 spices. I can buy a coffee pot. I can buy a winter coat and some sheets for my bed, if I am so inclined. And if things really go to shit I can buy a plane ticket home. Okay, I’m out of positivity now. And I have homework.
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